So last night I’m watching the premier of this season’s “America’s Next Top Model” when on comes a commercial for what, I can’t recall.  I usually tune-out during ads, but this one caught my attention.  Two women in their twenties talking, one points out to the other that her husband is talking to “that old cougar” over there.  The other woman triumphantly says, “That’s his mother.” 

Seems this label ‘cougar’ is popping up all over the place.

So what is a ‘cougar’ anyway?  As a man in his late twenties explained to me awhile back, “You know, like an old, like 40 year old woman hitting on a younger guy.” 

But what is a cougar, really?  An incredibly beautiful, powerful, independent animal that stalks it’s prey and pounces.   I kind of like thinking of more mature women sexually involved with significantly younger men as cougars.  Reveals some interesting power dynamics that we’re not really used to when it comes to hetero-coupling.  I think of Samantha on “Sex in the City”.  Now she’s a cougar that we can all aspire to be.  In fact, I think the character Samantha did wonders for how people (especially young straight boys) think about women over 40.

Ahh, but women having that much sexual power, the power to pounce rather than to demurely say “yes or no” fucks with all the ideas we hold (cling to with white knuckles) about who fucks whom and who decides when, where and how.  And for this reason, the ‘cougar’ ultimately has to be tamed.

And so the young woman in the commercial refers to “that old cougar” and “the old cougar” is very, well, matronly (I wonder how if feels for the actress to finally get that gig in a commercial, and it is the role of “the old cougar”).   More recently, I’ve heard people talk about how cougars go for the least attractive young guy because he can’t get anyone better (read young, but also less independent, less powerful, less self-confident).  Containment.  A mature woman’s sexual power deployed to ensnare a pretty young stud-boy becomes a pathetic attempt to get laid. 

And what about a name for older men who hit on younger women?  After watching the commercial last night, I asked Marc this very question.  He said, “Dirty old man”.  And it occurred to me that a man really has to be well into his seventies to be a dirty old man.  We don’t even have a collective name for a man in his forties hitting on a woman in her twenties.  Oh, wait.  I take that back.  We call them “straight guys”.  It’s expected, natural, how can you blame ‘em, so we don’t even notice enough to have a word for it.

But women in their forties hitting on men in their twenties?  Oooo, scary or pathetic or…whatever will contain it.

It has to be turned into something unappealing because, as some of us women in our forties and some lucky men in their twenties know, it does totally fuck with gender power dynamics and that’s precisely why it is so hot. 

According to some native American beliefs, cougars represent and embody leadership through power and grace.  I can think of no better mascot for women over 40 pouncing on younger men.