US Weekly is reporting that Rachel Uchitel, one of the women claiming to have had an affair with Tiger Woods has email messages from Tiger revealing a fantasy of catching her in a threesome with Derek Jeter and TV actor David Boreanaz.  As Susie Bright notes in her blog, there is not only a masochistic, but also a homoerotic component to men fantasizing about catching or watching other men fuck their partners. 

There is absolutely no question in my mind that the desire to watch other men get it on with a woman partner is a queer desire, but I want to suggest that it might not always necessarily be homoerotic or masochistic.   It can be, and perhaps often is about homoeroticism and masochism, but I think there are other possibilities and fantasizing about or being turned on by watching your partner willingly and enthusiastically get fucked by a couple of hot men could be something else altogether. 

That Tiger Woods chose the specific men (Jeter and Boreanaz) in his fantasy and that it was a threesome involving two men tells me that it’s not just about the girl (Duh!).  It’s not a stretch to presume that Tiger might have some desire to see Jeter and Boreanaz in an erotic exchange together,  but it is not just about the boys either.  As Susie Bright reports, many men who have this fantasy say that the presence of the woman partner is a key part of the turn-on.  The presence of a woman and at least two men makes the exchange a threesome with plenty of hetero action but also with a world of homo possibilities.  That it is a fantasy or interaction involving a partner suggests that there are probably some really interesting identifications going on.  What if the big turn-on is the multiplicity of identification?  What if a man doesn’t just identify with the men (homoerotic) or as the person walking in and feeling humiliated (cuckold)?  What if he is turned on by the movement and genderfuck of multiple and fluid identifications—with a woman getting fucked, with the men’s desire for the woman, with the person watching men’s bodies, with the person watching a sexy woman, with a person getting it on with desirable men, and/or with the men fucking a desirable woman? Rather queer if you ask me.

What goes unsaid in many discussions of the watching-my-partner-get-fucked scenario, and I think obfuscates the potential for queer, is the erasure of desire for plurality.  Might Tiger’s fantasy be less about masochism and/or homoerotic desire and more about the sizzling mixture of multiple desires and identifications that comes with non-dyadic sex?  Perhaps Tiger has a thing for threesomes or group sex in addition to or more so than a desire for other men, his mistress, being the cuckhold, or cheating on his own wife.  

And here’s another thought:  Perhaps Rachel Uchitel has expressed to Tiger a desire for threesomes with two men—famous men (for she seems to have a penchant for famous men).  Perhaps boy-on-boy is her thing and Tiger was simply giving her what she wants when he wrote the fantasy.  I have gotten more than a few email messages, texts, or in-person stories from my partners that include a lot of boy-on-boy-on-girl threesome action.  Sometimes these were gifts to me, not necessarily a reflection of my partners’ true desires or sexual experiences.  Tiger’s email might have been about pleasing Rachel Uchitel as much or more so than an expression of Tiger’s fantasy life.  Or, even better, it could be that desire for plurality (specifically with Jeter and/or Boreanaz?) is one of the things that Tiger and Rachel Uchitel share and is a staple in their erotic life together. 

Once we entertain the possibilities that 1) people can desire and seek something other than dyadic sex, 2) sexual desires and identifications don’t fit into neat and tidy categories of homo or hetero, and 3) boy-on-boy-on-girl can be an erotic staple for straight girls, straight boys, and couples of all genders and sexualities, a world of possibilities opens for fantasy and desire and for what might have been going on with the email Tiger Woods sent to Rachel Uchitel. 

Of course, none of us will probably ever know what was going on between Tiger Woods and Rachel Uchitel because we, as a culture, don’t talk about straight men (especially athletes) and their queer desires. 

On any given day, you can find me thinking and fantasizing about the erotic dynamics and possibilities of boy-on-boy-on-girl desire and sexual relationships (see my fiction page), but today, I am having a fantasy about some hot one-on-one action involving Tiger Woods and Barbara Walters.  It goes something like this:  Tiger Woods tells all in an interview with Barbara Walters--that he loves fucking women, often fantasizes about men, finds the idea of a threesome with a woman and another man a huge turn-on, and that he is not gay or straight.  “Barbara,” he says with tears in his eyes, “I’m polyqueer.”  Barbara looks on with compassion, pauses, and says, “What the fuck arw you talking about, Tigew?!” 

At least it would get the discussion going…